Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
she looked like the before picture.
We are two peas in an std pod
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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