she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
