Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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