I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
