I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize