we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
The best revenge is premature balding
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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