I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I have fence marks all over my body
we're so committed to being not committed
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
