The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
