i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize