i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
