I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
