I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
