I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
