seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize