First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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