He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
