you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
