Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
