shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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