I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
