It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
