Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
