Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
