I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
