my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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