Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize