I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
