Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
