im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
