eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
