Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
