So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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