so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
