Whod you bang
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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