And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
