she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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