I skipped work to stalk him.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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