Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
