She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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