I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I supernannyed him into submission
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
