Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I could make wine with my vomit
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
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