I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
