Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
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