Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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