I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
