ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
