So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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