we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize
