apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
