I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
