No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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