At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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