My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
