There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
