I wanna passion pit in your ass
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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