Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
