We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
