there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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