I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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