if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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