He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
