I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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