Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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