from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
