i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
