if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Randomize
