No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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