I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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