I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
